Who Should Be United’s Captain Next Season?

Three days have passed since the Euros got over. We haven’t signed anyone. Doom, gloom and hearts stopping left, right and centre. People are dying. Wayne Rooney is partying in Vegas with his newly married wife with the likes of Le Bron James in tow. Fergie’s giving interviews over a game of golf. Ronaldo is off to Sardinia with his bird. Queiroz is being linked to the Portugal job.

We are dead. That is all. End of the world. We’d be lucky to survive in the Premiership. So let’